Today i’m headed to charlotte for my long day at citychurch and my second counseling session at gracelife… well second after a couple of long stretches in the past few years. i’m not scared like i was before i started. i feel – open? is that the best way to describe it? i’ve been having panic attacks again. not being able to breathe, my throat feeling like hands choking me… crying and hyperventilating. yes – it sucks. but i know that what’s going on is that there are some roots being tugged on. i’m ready for them to come out. to come out clean. those around me that i love and trust are telling me they believe something big is about to break – they feel hopeful for me. i agree. i don’t think the Lord leads us places to leave us. and He hasn’t left me now, nor at any time in the past. so my heart is open to what He wants to do this morning, and every morning, no matter how painful it might be when i feel Him tugging on those roots. It’s time to lay down some more lies – about myself. about those i love around me. i want to lay them down. and He wants to replace them with truth… so no problem, right?? haha. sure, ok. no problem.
Father, thank you for keeping your kids. thank you for making a way out of these dark places in our minds and hearts. thank you for sending the Light to us and accepting us as your own. thank you for my journey and what You are teaching me. I will bless you at all times. Your praises will be continually on my lips. I bet David felt like i do sometimes. He was a musician, too. us crazy musician types need to be pulled out of the pit sometimes. so thanks, Lord. i do love you so.